


we’re not calling this the rainbow squad.

by worstgirl



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Magical Girls, F/F, F/M, M/M, Magic, Magical Boys, Magical Girls, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, all the other romance bits are up in the air, battles, boyf riends can and should be read as qpps, but theres gonna be deere, deere, ill die on this hill, im letting the story write those for me, magical girl au, magical girl transformations
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-17 10:42:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29098998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/worstgirl/pseuds/worstgirl
Summary: Jeremy’s seventeenth birthday promised to be a good one, just eating too many tubs of Betty Crocker frosting and playing shitty vintage video games. Except now, his deadbeat mom sent him a cryptic present and everyone at his school is acting like weird hiveminds. Oh, and he can turn into a magical entity with a staff and a skirt, and he’s apparently promised as protector of the entire area, along with all the popular kids.Or, a magical girl au written by someone who has never seen a magical girl anime.
Relationships: Brooke Lohst & Chloe Valentine, Brooke Lohst & Christine Canigula, Christine Canigula & Jeremy Heere, Jake Dillinger & Rich Goranski, Jake Dillinger/Jeremy Heere, Jeremy Heere & Brooke Lohst, Jeremy Heere & Michael Mell, Michael Mell & Brooke Lohst, TBA - Relationship
Comments: 18
Kudos: 17





	1. the trouble with deadbeat moms and birthday gifts

Jeremy’s seventeenth birthday sucked more than his birthdays usually did. Most of the time, his worst experiences with the day he was born were getting sick from eating frosting by the spoonful from the jar and getting another pair of socks from his grandma across the country. 

This one sucked on an entirely new level. The first level of suck started when Michael, his birthday companion for every one since he was five years old, had told him he wasn’t coming over. 

“What— man, it’s twelve years! That’s got to be, like, an achievement or something. You can’t bail now.” Jeremy whined, trying to find clothes in his dark room. Potentially, he could turn his lights on, but that would entail trying to step over the wires on his floor and not getting impaled by a controller joystick. “What’s so important that you can’t come over?”

“I sent your gift over this morning. And my Moms gotta talk to me about… something.” The tinny voice trailed off. 

“What— is that a plural or a singular mom?” That judged the seriousness of the conversation. If it was singular, that meant that Michael’s Mom wanted to have a talk, which probably meant the most serious thing was her scolding him for making the basement smell like weed again. If it was plural, that meant that Michael’s Mama entered the frame, which meant something much different. That had only happened a few times in their friendship, and none of them good. 

“Plural.” Michael didn’t sound thrilled. “I’m really sorry, man, I’ll try and get them to let me leave sometime, but…”

“God, abandoning me to my dad.” Jeremy muttered. “Are you at least going to the play thing tonight?”

Michael went quiet. 

“Michael.”

“They said we’ll see.”

“Michael!”

“I can’t just ignore my moms, man! They haven’t asked to have a talk with me since freshman year, and I can’t skip it. They’re not fun when they’re pissy.” 

“You’re abandoning me to deal with all the popular kids on my own!” Jeremy whined, voice muffled as he squirmed into a hoodie. “I’ll have to listen to Jenna Rolan talk about how Madeline fucked Dustin for weed for, like, the seventh time this week.”

“C’mon, it’s not  _ that  _ bad. At least Hoe-y Valentine dropped.” Michael snorted with laughter. “And they’re all a lot more manageable when she’s not there.”

“Ugh. I guess. I’ll still resent you for three weeks after this.” 

“You love me. Mwah.” Michael blew a very loud wet kiss at the speaker, making Jeremy’s nose wrinkle. 

“Yeah, yeah, love ya man. I’m hanging up to go eat an entire jar of frosting on my own.” 

The line went dead with a laugh, and Jeremy groaned. At least this meant that he could just barely leave his room for eight hours, just to eat food, open the four presents he got yearly— his dad, Michael, his grandma, and his aunt— and then spend the rest of his time in his bedroom. 

He made his way downstairs to find his dad actually awake. It was a start, at least. But he also looked… not good. In a ‘something’s up and it probably has to do with your mother’ sort of way. 

God, had she done something? He hoped not. 

“Morning.” Jeremy mumbled, making his way to the cupboard, stealing a jar of frosting from the cupboard, along with a pack of Poptarts. Sue him, it was his birthday. 

As expected, there was a tiny pile of gifts on the table amongst the various papers and books and dishes. The one on the bottom in Christmas paper was probably his grandma’s, considering it was the middle of August and she was a little absentminded. His dad’s was probably the one in newspaper, his aunt always sent cardboard boxes, unwrapped, and Michael always used the cringiest paper he could find. This year, it was bright pink and had bright green and orange flowers all over it. It was honestly an eyesore. 

And on top of the stack was a small dark blue jewelry box, like the velvety kind people proposed with. Jeremy froze with a spoon of frosting halfway in his mouth. “What’s that?” His words were surprisingly sticky.

Luckily, his dad understood. He didn’t look up from the newspaper in front of him. “From your mother.” 

Ah. That would explain why the entire kitchen felt like a war zone. “Did she… drop it off?”  _ Did she come in the house? _

His dad turned the page of the paper so hard it almost ripped. “No. She left a note.” 

Jeremy picked up the box like it was going to explode. There was a note attached to the hinges. 

“Jeremiah. You’re old enough to have these now. Use them well. Mom.” He read out loud. “That’s it? She doesn’t come to any of my birthdays for, what, five years, and she just drops off a box with a cryptic note and expects me to-“ 

He stopped short, noticing his dad’s pained expression. This wasn’t helping. He could fume about his mother later. He flipped open the box, which wasn’t even wrapped. 

Nestled in the velvety interior was a pair of earrings, silvery and shimmering. 

Jeremy blinked at them. “What… why would she even…” He muttered. “How am I supposed to  _ use _ these? They’re earrings.” 

Sure, he had his ears pierced, but that had happened after his mother had decided to skip out on him and his dad. She couldn’t possibly know he’d done that. Unless she was stalking him. Which he doubted, considering she’d made it clear that she never liked him or wanted to see him. 

“Your mother is… interesting.” 

“That’s a polite way of putting it.” He muttered, shutting the lid of the box and dropping it on the table. He’d drown his mommy issues in whatever old game Michael had given him and Betty Crocker frosting until his stupid theater club play. 

“I won’t be at your play tonight.” Jeremy paused in the midst of collecting his gifts to disappear upstairs to open them. 

“You-“

“I know I said I would, but I’ve got a conference call later tonight. Michael will be there.” His dad was trying, he knew. But sometimes he just wished he’d try a little harder. 

“Maybe.” He muttered, before he grabbed everything and booked it upstairs. Dumping all his gifts onto his bed, he fell down next to them. This was already a horrible birthday, and he’d barely been awake for an hour. He reached over, grabbing the box from his mother. 

Earrings. Not even good ones. They looked a little old, like they’d been sitting in this box for the last twenty years. They were small, barely the size of his fingernail, and pretty, in a weird sort of way. Silver moons, with little blue gemstones. They were very, well, feminine. His mother was always very… odd. She seemed to resent him for not being a girl. His dad always said it was because of some family tradition, but his mother had never explained a single thing about it to him. She hadn’t explained anything. Except that he wasn't what she wanted him to be, and never would. 

He shut the box again, opening the gifts from everyone else. His aunt got him a mug that was extremely nerdy and a little outdated. It had a handle shaped like an Xbox controller, even. It was sweet, if a bit disconnected. His grandma gave him yet another sweater that was too small for him. His dad got him new earbuds. And Michael got him a hilariously bad looking game called ‘Bath of Blood II: The Reckoning.’ He was excited to laugh at it. 

And then he fell back onto the bed to stare at the earrings again. 

The last time he’d seen his mother face to face, he’d been fourteen. She’d always slacked off on her visiting days after the divorce, showing up less and less. She seemed to resent him for just… existing. Which did  _ wonders _ for his self esteem. She’d told him once, to his face, that she’d thought he could do great things. She promptly ruined it by saying that she didn’t think that anymore. Great thing to tell an impressionable fourteen year old. 

After a few hours, Michael called him. He picked up the phone, holding it to his ear with his shoulder as he played the absolutely horrible game he’d received. “Hey. What was your talk all about?” He asked, speaking up to make his voice heard.

“I think I need someone to smack me over the head, ‘cause there is no way this is a real thing that’s happening right now.” Michael’s voice sounded oddly tinny. 

“What’s going on?” 

There was silence for a moment. “I’m not allowed to tell you. Yet.” 

That made Jeremy’s anxiety pool in his gut. “You’re not, like, dying or anything? Or moving away?” 

“What- no, Jere. You’re still stuck with me. Just… it’s kind of a weird thing to process.” Jeremy hadn’t heard Michael sound like this since they’d been fifteen, and he’d been told his grandma was sick. This didn’t sound good. “So, uh, how do you like your gift?”

“Oh, this game sucks. Like, genuinely.” He said, trying to take the bait. Michael didn’t want to talk about what had happened. “They tried, but the blood looks like actual pixels.” 

“Oh, good. I was worried it’d actually be okay.” 

“It’s called Bath of Blood, dude. How could that ever be okay? It’s like Castlevania done on MS Paint.” He paused for a moment, eyes sliding over to the blue box. “Oh, guess who gave me a gift?”

“Uh. I dunno? Your dad?” Michael said, clearly rifling through his drawers as they talked. “No offense, dude, you don’t get gifts from many people.”

“No shit, man.” Jeremy was quiet for a moment. “My mom gave me something.” 

There was silence on the other end of the call. “I’m- sorry, what? Your mom?” 

“Yeah, I know. I was just as shocked. Like, she doesn’t talk to me for… three years now? And then she just drops off some random pair of earrings.” 

More silence. “Earrings?” 

“Yep. Like, really girly ones too. It’s so weird.” He bit his lip, shooting at the vampire on the screen with his shitty crossbow. “She put a really cryptic note with them too.” 

“Are you gonna wear them?” 

Jeremy paused. “I mean, I guess so? They’re not horrible. Just… confusing? Like, why now? And what the hell does it mean to use earrings well?” 

“... Jeremy. You have to wear them.” Michael said, and he sounded oddly serious. 

“What?” Jeremy paused his game. “Why?” 

“Just- trust me. It’s like… y’know how in games and things when the characters get power up items? It’s totally important to your quest.” 

“What, my quest to be the biggest loser at Middleborough?” 

“Jereeeee.” Michael groaned on the other end of the call. 

“Fine, I’ll wear my horrible mother’s weird earrings.” Jeremy muttered, unpausing his game. “You coming to the play thing?” 

“Yeah, ‘course. Mom convinced Mama to let me go.” Michael said. “I’ll drive you. And keep your mic board from exploding on itself.” 

“Thank god, I think we’d blow the speakers if you weren’t there.” 

“Gotta go. Don’t make yourself sick on frosting before going onstage.” 

There was a beep as Michael hung up, and Jeremy was staring at the television screen of horrible art. 

“This is a weird fucking day.” He muttered, to nobody.


	2. two

Jeremy slid into the passenger seat of Michael’s car with the earrings in. “Sup.”

Immediately, Michael reached over, ruffling his hair. “Look at my little actor boy, I’m so proud of him.” His voice was fake simpering, like a lady talking to the dog in her purse.

Jeremy groaned, batting Michael’s hands away. “You’re such an ass. You know it’s just a dumb one act.” 

“A dumb one act that’s going to be very good.” Michael said stubbornly, returning his hands to the wheel as he pulled out. 

“It’s so not. Brooke Lohst says all her lines with about as much acting skills as a tea kettle. Christine’s good, but that’s about all. Jake says half the words wrong, Rich misses all his cues, Jenna is- no, yeah, Jenna’s almost as bad as Brooke, but at least she knows the words. And I get such bad stage fright I can never speak.” 

“Well… at least the only people coming are the popular kids friends and families!” Michael said cheerfully. 

Jeremy glared at him. “Oh, yes, I love that.” His sarcastic tone wasn’t lost on Michael. 

“C’mon. You are the one who volunteered to do a summer theater program with Mr. Hot Pocket.” Michael pointed out, turning on his blinker. 

"He guilted me! Well. He said if he didn't get more people, then he'd have to cancel the club, and…" Jeremy trailed off, his cheeks red. Christine had looked so upset that it would be cancelled, so in a fit of surprising braveness, he'd volunteered to help. 

"And you're an absolute simp for Christine Canigula. Or you were, at the end of the school year." 

"I'm not a-" Jeremy caught Michael's eye in the rearview and fell silent. Okay, so maybe he was. "I'm not her type. She…"

"Dated Jake Dillinger, broke up with him, came out, took a break from dating, and shattered your poor bisexual heart into a million pieces. Yes, I heard." Thankfully, Michael didn't seem too exasperated. Jeremy knew better than most that he could be a little… overwhelming. When you have one friend, he hears everything about your life, sometimes too many times over. 

Instead, Jeremy felt his cheeks flushing, sliding down in his seat. "It's not shattered." 

"It's shattered." Michael said, deadpan. "So, you never told me how it felt to have three people you've had a crush on in one club!"

Jeremy stuck his fingers in his ears. "Nope, shut up."

"Dude, c'mon, let me tease you for having poor taste!" 

"You have a crush on Richard Fucking Goranski, Micha, that is the worst taste known to man. Like chugging mint toothpaste like a Go-Gurt." 

Michael was saved from having to defend his crush by pulling into the parking lot of the school. He parked as close to the road as possible, as if he was preparing a getaway car. Jeremy didn't blame him. He wished he could drive in a getaway car away from this place. At least it would be more interesting than a one act play performed by mostly uninspired teen actors about murder. 

The auditorium was mostly empty, save for Christine, already there and dressed in her costume and comforting a frantic Brooke, and a very disinterested looking Jake. Michael decided to take his cue, dropping in the back row of seats. "All three crushes to check off the list! Happy birthday." 

Jeremy groaned, flicking the back of Michael's head. "None of them are current, Michael." He protested. "And none of them want to give me the time of day." 

"Doesn't sound like they're not current." Michael muttered, despite Jeremy's protests. The decision to leave Michael at the back of the auditorium was a lot easier than Jeremy thought it would be. 

He decided to not get in the middle of whatever the girls were up to, awkwardly sitting a few seats down from Jake. He dug in his bag, trying to find his phone. Not that he had anyone to text, since Michael was sitting in the back, but it would give him an excuse not to talk to anyone.

"Sup, Heere." A voice spoke up, making Jeremy's head jerk up with surprising speed. Ow. Jake was sitting there, watching him. He didn't seem to be looking through him, like usual. 

Jeremy glanced over his shoulder, even though he was fully aware he was the only one with the last name Heere. It wasn't exactly a common last name. "Um. Hi." He said, praying he didn't look too much like a deer in the headlights. Think of a cool conversation. "Rich not… here?" 

Jake snorted a little. Jeremy was a little jealous. How could Jake make that look effortless and cool while Jeremy looked like a pig? The traditional attractive cishet male was so unfair. "Nah. Got caught up with his dad." Jake didn't elaborate, swinging his feet up onto the tops of the seat in front of him. "We're not, like, attached at the lip."

"Um. Hip." Jeremy said, before he could stop himself. Then he winced, hiding his face in his bag. 

Jake, thankfully, took it well. "Yeah, that. We're not like you and, uh. Mell kid. I don't think I've ever seen you guys apart. You're, like, a package deal or whatever." 

"Um, comes with being friends since- since kindergarten, I guess." God, he was so awkward. He wanted to dissolve into the horribly uncomfortable seats and become one with the mice that probably nested in them. 

"Dude, I don't think I've known anyone that long." 

Jeremy was quiet for a moment. "Um. We were in the same class. In kindergarten. I mean, um, you and me. Not me and Michael. Well, yeah, but I meant-" Stop talking, Jeremy. 

Jake was quiet, for once. It was like hearing someone else's breathing, very loud, in your ear. It was uncomfortable and too intimate and it made Jeremy sweat. 

"S-So. Um." Jeremy started, desperately trying to save the conversation before it absolutely died. "Your parents coming to this thing?" 

Wrong question, apparently. Jake's entire face seemed to say Don't. But his easy smile was back. "Nah. A couple of guys from the frisbee golf team are coming, though. What about you, your parents coming?"

Jeremy was quiet for a moment. "Nah. Dad's working. Got Michael, though. He basically counts as family." He didn't want to touch on anything having to do with his mother. At all. He glanced over his shoulder at Michael, who was paying absolutely no attention to anything around him, as usual. "... like, family as in the toddler who only shows up because they have to." He wasn't actually upset. Nothing was happening, and he knew Michael liked using his headphones to avoid intense boredom. 

Jake gave a short laugh, almost a snort. Jeremy was surprised. He'd made Jake Dillinger laugh. He'd done it twice! And now he was so red in the face, he had to leave. He stood up abruptly. "Um. Bathroom!" He said quickly, grabbing his bag and bolting. 

Michael looked up as he left, but when he glanced over his shoulder, no one was following him. He ended up shutting himself in the bathroom, splashing water in his face to try and calm himself down. "Get a grip, Heere." He muttered, looking up at his reflection. Oh, gross. His acne was horrible today. He looked back down at the sink. "It's not like he's even interested in you. Or guys. Or-" Behind him, he heard a stall door unlatch, and he froze up. Oh, fuck. His heart pounded.

In the mirror, he watched as a boy stepped out. He vaguely recognized him. Dustin Kropp, from his Chemistry class last year. He'd offered him weed, once. But he wasn't in the drama club. Or friends with anyone from it, as far as Jeremy knew. And it was summer, the school should be closed to anyone other than them and their guests. Was he getting high? It didn't smell in here, but… Jeremy glanced up at the other boys eyes, only to see that they were bloodshot. Of course. 

Then he blinked, looking closer. No, they weren't bloodshot. They had a blue tint to them instead, the veins almost electric blue. No weed did that, as far as Jeremy knew. "Um, you- you okay?" He stammered out, ignoring the water dripping down his face. 

Dustin only looked at him, face completely neutral. "Your time is coming." He said, voice dull and monotone. "And you will fail, just like all those before you. Your power is nothing compared to his." 

Jeremy looked at him, eyebrows furrowing. "Dude, how high are you?" And where did he get that sort of shit? This was crazy. 

Dustin didn't respond, only turning on his heel and starting to head out. 

"Wait!" Jeremy said quickly. He should get answers, but as Dustin's weird bloodshot eyes turned to him, he lost his nerve. "Aren't you gonna wash your hands?" 

The boy looked at him for a moment with a sort of expression that made Jeremy want to crawl into a hole and bury himself. Then he walked out, not saying another word. 

Jeremy looked over his shoulder at the stall Dustin had vacated. What the hell was in there? He wasn't sure he wanted to see, but curiosity got the best of him. 

As the door creaked open, Jeremy almost walked away. He really didn't want to see whatever Dustin had been doing. But looking down at the floor, the only thing still in the stall was a half empty bottle of Mountain Dew. Jeremy stepped forwards, only to feel something crush under his heel. He lifted his foot, only to see a sort of greyish blue powder under it. It seemed to be… sparking? This was weird. Some sort of computer tic-tac? 

Jeremy decided that this was not worth it. Whatever pills Dustin was popping were probably expensive and probably illegal. He didn't exactly want to break any more laws than he already did. 

"This day just keeps getting weirder." He mumbled, leaving the bathroom behind. He had a one act play to fuck up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me, actually posting semi weekly? what kind of fuckery is this? 
> 
> anyways uhh i don’t have much to say here so. 
> 
> stay safe, and stay wonderful, loves!!


	3. three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> all hell breaks loose, and I have no clue how to write a fake script inside a fic.

Sitting in the cramped backstage area in the dark in silence was somehow even more awkward than whatever had happened before. They'd managed to get microphones, courtesy of Michael, and the rest of their backstage crew. Which was two people- a freshman Jeremy didn't know the name of and a junior he'd never spoken to in his life. That he also didn't know the name of. Maybe Jason? Mason? Something that ended with an N. 

Jeremy was sitting with Jenna in the corner. They weren't talking, which he was thankful for. Jenna was possibly the closest thing he had to a friend of the popular clique. At least, she didn't seem to try and gossip to him, and she'd smiled at him once, and they made eye contact and rolled their eyes at Reyes' odd habits. So he appreciated her, as long as she wasn't talking to Brooke. 

"Alright, thespians!" Reyes said, clapping his hands. They all looked up, clearly not interested, except Christine. 

In the momentary silence, Jeremy heard Jake lean over to Rich. "Does liking girls make me a thespian?" He whispered, very not quietly, and Rich smacked him over the head. 

Reyes continued as if no one spoke, as usual. "Welcome to our production of Murder In The Mezzanine. Your families are out there, so make sure to make them proud!" 

Jeremy wasn't too sure that was the best thing to say. Anyways, a solid half of his family wasn't that great with being proud of him. Or all of it. He spun the earrings from his mother with two fingers, trying to ignore those ideas. 

"We have a full house tonight. Don't disappoint me. I'm going to get a hot pocket." And with that, he left. 

"Full house?" Rich muttered, arms folded over his chest. He looked like a disgruntled medieval page, although he was supposed to be a man from Shakespearean times. "He really expects us to believe we got, what, two hundred people to come see a stupid one act?" 

"He's probably just hallucinating on all the preservatives in hot pockets." Jake responded. Jeremy made a point to look at the ground, trying not to smile. Shit. "I mean, how many does he eat a day?"

Christine wrinkled her nose. "Too many." She probably knew better than any of them, considering how many years she took classes with him. "He has a mini fridge under his desk, did you know that? It's kind of weird. And I don't think it's allowed. But we haven't had more than… fifty people come see our shows since I started. And one-fifth of those people are my family." 

"Whatever." Brooke sighed, leaning her head on the wall behind her. She wrinkled her nose, straightening up again. "Ew, how long has that gum been there? Gross." She raked her fingers through her hair. 

Jenna leaned over, pulling the curtain back. Jeremy could feel Christine cringing at the bad theater etiquette. A moment or two later, Jenna moved back to her spot, looking floored. "There's people  _ standing. _ " 

The whole group looked at each other, blinking. "What?" Christine said, bouncing in her chair a little. "Seriously? That's so-" 

Mason-or-Jason appeared out of the blue at Jeremy's shoulder, making him nearly leap out of his skin. He held out a green bottle. "Mountain Dew?" 

Jeremy looked down at it, shaking his head a little. His stomach turned, thinking of the bottle dropped on the bathroom floor. Sure, it might be a coincidence. Jason-or-Mason was probably just trying to get rid of an excess bottle the vending machine gave him. It was usually doing that. But as the boy moved to hold it out to Jake, Jeremy saw something floating in the bottle, caught by the stage lights. He lashed out in a surprisingly sudden movement, sending the bottle crashing to the floor, spilling all over the floor. 

"Dude, what the hell?" Rich said, trying to blot the liquid out of his costume. Jake didn't seem angry, more confused. 

"What was that for?" All eyes were on Jeremy now, and he felt like his stomach was turning into a raisin. He wasn't going to go throw up. He couldn't. 

"I thought- there was something in the- I thought I saw- um- floating stuff. In the soda." That didn't serve to satisfy the rest of his cast, and Rich turned to gossip with Brooke about it. Most likely. 

"Well, we don't have time to clean it up. We need to be out there." Jenna said, pocketing her phone. 

As Jeremy awkwardly shuffled his way to his place, he glanced back. He caught a glimpse of the boy's eyes, as he slipped back into the wings. They seemed to gleam blue, electric under the lights of the stage. 

Before the curtains slid open, Jeremy grabbed Jenna's arm. "Something's up, seriously-" 

Jenna gave him a weird look, shrugging him off. "The curtain's not even open yet." She hissed at him, so Jeremy looked frantically for someone else. Michael was all the way up in the booth. Christine was on the other side of the stage, with Brooke, and Rich seemed like the last thing he wanted to do was talk to him. That left Jake, who was twisting a ring on his finger. 

Jeremy shuffled closer to him. "Dude, I think something's really wrong here." He hissed out. "Like I-" 

Jake looked at him, and for a moment, Jeremy's throat closed up. His eyes were blue. Then he cooled off, realizing that they were just normal blue. 

"I'm gonna sound insane, but I think there's people being drugged." Saying that out loud didn't help. Jake was looking at him like he really was crazy, and he settled a hand on his shoulder. 

"Look, I'm sure it's cool. Just chill out. Maybe, uh, you can get water after the show or something." Jake was no help, but he was being nicer than Jenna. 

The curtains started opening, and Jake pulled his hand away quickly, moving back to his spot lounging against the wall. It wasn't technically in the script, but no one wanted to be the one to tell him not to do it. Least of all Jeremy. 

Glancing out at the crowd, he could see that they were all staring with rapt attention at the stage, eyes fixed on them. The entire audience was packed, even more than he'd imagined. He'd been to almost every show the school had put on, and he'd only ever seen half of it filled. 

As Christine launched into her opening lines, having a conversation with Brooke and trying to compensate for her horrible acting, Jeremy pretended to talk to Jake. He couldn't tear his eyes from the crowd, barely looking at Jake for once. Something was wrong with them. 

Jake was so close to him, but he barely noticed. He'd realized what was wrong. Not a single audience member was moving. No shuffling, no one eating refreshments, no coughing or awkward heavy breathing. He felt his stomach drop. 

A poke came to his ribs, and he started, head whipping to Jake, who was looking at him with an air of… concern? No, it must be something else. Disappointment? 

Fuck, it was his line. What was it? Something about… The lights? No. He struggled to find it, looking out at the crowd. 

In a sudden swell of motion, the entire crowd stood in unison. Jeremy couldn’t help but step back a bit. Were they all angry at him? He didn’t expect all of them to care that much. They started advancing towards the stage, and every thought of lines froze in his mouth. 

Christine, god bless her heart, tried to continue the play with her next line. “I can’t believe it’s opening ni—“ 

The crowd reached the stage, hands gripping the edge. Christine’s line ended with a small yelp, stepping back from the grasping hands. Her mic cut out, and Jeremy’s head snapped up to Michael in their booth. He seemed normal, thank god, not moving in creepy unison with the others. 

A hand gripped at Jeremy’s wrist, and he nearly leapt out of his skin. He looked over to see Jake there. “What was that you were saying about everyone acting weird?”

Jeremy blinked. He’d been paying attention? Huh. That was new. “Um- D-Dustin was acting all weird in the bathroom—“ There he was, amongst the crowd. Jeremy's brain was kicking into high gear. This was just like the first level of Apocalypse of the Damned. Different layout, but still close. 

As the audience advanced, Jeremy felt himself getting a little panicked. This could not be good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me, posting three times in a schedule?? who the hell am I?? also I'm on break and I have the next three chapters done so I'm literally doing so well. I probably just jinxed myself so whoops.


	4. four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's the transformation sequence babey

They’d abandoned their lines. It was hard keeping track, when there were creepy hivemind people trying to climb on the stage. And then, in the absolute creepiest thing known to man, all of them started to speak. “Children of the rainbow—“ 

“Oh, that is so homophobic! Just because we’re in theater—“ Christine started, climbing on the prop table, dragging Brooke up with her. They started kicking at the hands reaching for them. 

The crowd continued despite her words. “You are weak. Pitiful. Your powers are nothing compared to his.”

“That’s what Dustin said to me in the bathroom!” Jeremy said, louder than he’d meant to. 

Jenna, who had somehow made her way to his side, holding her prop platter as a shield. “Dude, what? That sounds—“

Jeremy went red. “Not like- he was totally drugged!”

“That doesn’t make it any better!” 

“What- oh my god-“ Holy shit. This was not the time to think of this. “I didn’t do anything with him! He was just all creepy hivemind—“

Jake finally released Jeremy’s arm. He hadn’t even realized he was still holding it. “That doesn’t matter right now! What powers are they—“

“Jere!” Michael’s voice called from the balcony. “You wearing those earrings?” 

Jeremy paused, in the midst of grabbing a chair. “Really, dude?” He called out. “There’s literal zombies and you’re asking me about my birthday gift?” 

“It’s your birthday?” Jake muttered.

“It’s important! Seriously, man!” Michael’s voice sounded more serious than Jeremy had ever heard it. 

“Yes I’m wearing my deadbeat mom’s stupid earrings!” Jeremy shouted, poking back the brainwashed Earth Science teacher with the legs of his chair like a lion tamer. 

“Cool! This might be weird now!” 

“Oh, yeah, thanks, because right now this situation is totally normal!” 

Michael ignored his snark, climbing on the edge of the balcony. He lifted his hand in the air like a rockstar. “Avengers, assemble!” 

Nothing happened.

“Oh, really, is that one copyrighted? That’s so unfair!”

Jeremy decided not to think about that too much. He was too surprised by Mr. Reyes deciding to appear behind them. Jeremy whirled, smacking the man right in the gut. Sure, he had a lot of padding, but he actually made noise. Which was a good sign. 

“Be more chill, Heere.” He said, before moving on through the crowd. For some reason, he didn’t seem to be in any danger, unlike Brooke and Christine, who were being swarmed by zombie people.

“What the hell does that even mean?” He muttered. “Be more chill?” 

Time seemed to slow, and Jeremy felt his feet leave the ground. He yelped as his eyesight washed with blue, sending his heart racing. Was this how it happened? But in a rush, his clothes were changing in midair, and he felt the chair in his hands shift and transform into something much longer and thinner. 

Before he knew it, he was standing back on the stage, the mindwiped people around him pushed back in a ring, covering their eyes as if blinded. 

In his hands was a large silver staff, somehow light and heavy at the same time. On one end, a crescent moon shaped piece of metal encircled a blue stone that didn't seem to be held up by anything. Then Jeremy processed that the was so much colder than usual. His long sleeved costume had been replaced, leaving his arms bare except for a pair of wrist thingies. Braces? He hadn't paid much attention to fantasy movies. 

The most shocking thing, though, was the rest of his clothes. He had a shirt that he felt was a bit too small, and… fuck. Was that a skirt? 

"Heere!" A voice called out, and before Jeremy knew what was going on, a hand was dragging him back. On instinct, he swung the staff into the person's gut. 

A whoof of pain sounded in his ear. "Dude, cool it! It's me!" 

Great, new development! Not only was he in a skirt, with a staff, but he had smacked the most popular boy in school in the stomach. "Oh, god, sorry!" 

As he turned to see Jake, he realized that the other boy was… Oh. He had an outfit change, too. For a moment, Jeremy wondered if he was seeing things. He was not seeing Jake Dillinger in a skirt with a sword. Had he taken some of whatever drugs Dustin was on accidentally? But Jake seemed to be rolling with it in a way that confused Jeremy. "I dunno what the hell you did, but-" 

"Duck!" A voice called from behind them. Jeremy obeyed on instinct, dropping to his knees. Overhead, a large object swung through the air and smacked something over. Jeremy looked up, almost into Jake's face, before glancing at what had happened. A few people were on the ground, groaning. They didn't seem too badly hurt, but they also didn't seem to be getting up. 

Jeremy glanced over his shoulder. Rich stood there, grinning a bit. "Got a hammer. Whack-a-druggie, anyone?" 

"That's the worst idea for an arcade game." Jake said, standing and holding his sword with seeming ease. "Anyone have any idea what's going on?" 

Across the stage, the girls seemed surprisingly okay on their own. Christine, in a surprisingly frilly pink dress, wielded a long whip. As Jeremy watched, she snapped it out, sending an arc of light through the air, like a glow stick being waved through the air. A line of people toppled. "Sorry!" She said, even as she took out another line of people. 

Brooke was at her back, dressed in yellow. Her hair seemed even longer, flowing behind her in a surprisingly stunning updo. She held two golden fans, but she didn't seem to be using them. She kept kicking out with her feet and using her elbows. 

Jenna, a little ways away, was all in purple. Which wasn't weird, in itself. But the fact that she was holding what looked like a wand that was sparking with electricity? A little weird.

As Jeremy watched, she took the wand, stabbing it into the approaching man's neck like a Taser- Jeremy recognized him from the GameStop downtown- and shouted, "Fuck off!" The man went down. 

Jeremy felt his hair stand on end, and whirled around with his staff, smacking the woman who had been advancing in the face with the flat of the moon. He winced at the noise it made. "Sorry!" He said quickly. Ah, great, he'd hit a woman. He knew it was probably a completely arbitrary thing to worry about right now, but hey. He’s having a crisis. 

“Jere, duck!” Michael’s voice rang out, and Jeremy hit the deck again, wincing as his hands stung with the impact. Something whizzed over his head, and he heard a noise like a Roblox death sound. 

“Did you just shoot a guy?” He shouted out, stumbling to his feet. 

“He was literally about to smash your head in with a chair! A thank you would be nice!” Michael sounded frustrated. Jeremy looked up to see Michael. He’d apparently had a makeover too, but he’d gotten lucky with a less skirt looking outfit. Then he looked down at the stage and the chaos going on, as if trying to make a tactical decision in Apocalypse. 

Michael jumped from the balcony. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi y'all I'm back in school but I'm trying to write more and I have many ideas so ;3c look forward to that one. 
> 
> uhh I don't really have much else to say. 
> 
> stay safe and stay wonderful loves!!


	5. five

Jeremy couldn’t help the noise that he made, sounding like a strangled cat. His best friend had just launched himself off a high balcony into a crowd of brainwashed zombie people. In the slim chance he didn’t just drop like a rock and break his legs, he’d be going right into a mob. 

But Michael didn’t drop like a rock. He jumped a lot further and longer than any normal person, landing on the edge of the stage. 

“What the hell?” Rich shouted, speaking what Jeremy was thinking. How could he have possibly done that? 

“Are you magic or something?” Jeremy used the blunt end of his staff to poke the mob back. 

“Newsflash, dumbass, we all are.” Michael said, kicking the feet out from under a PTA mom. “Always wanted to do that. She was awful to my moms.” 

“You have two moms?” Jake said, just as Rich shouted, “We’re magic?”

“Yes. To both of you. I’ll explain later if we—“ 

A shout came from the other end of the stage. Brooke had been pushed into a corner, surrounded by slowly advancing people. She only had one fan, and she was swinging it wildly, while closed, at the mob. Christine was trying her best to keep from getting pummeled herself, back to back with Jenna in the wings. 

“Heere!” 

Jeremy’s head snapped to Jake, who was kneeling with his hands laced in front of him, like how people in movies helped other people climb fences to break into buildings. Everything clicked. 

“What- no. No no no, absolutely not. I’ll break something!” 

“You’re the only one with a long range weapon that’s not absolutely huge! Just-“ 

“Jeremy, get launched, I swear to God!” Michael shouted, ducking Rich’s hammer as it swung over him. 

Jeremy could feel his face turn red, and he looked at Jake. Brooke’s voice was getting more panicked as she tried to get the group to back off. So he swallowed his anxiety and stuck his foot, boot and all, in Jake’s hand. “Please don’t launch me into creepy zombie people.” He said, and Jake laughed. 

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” 

Jeremy found himself launched into the air. He wasn’t particularly graceful, and he had to use the staff as a sort of pole to vault off of, but he landed in front of Brooke. 

“Uh, hi, I’m here to-“ 

“Save me, yes, thank you, please smack them with your pretty stick.” Brooke seemed panicked. Jeremy couldn’t blame her. He whirled, sweeping his staff. One of the moon’s points ripped through the sleeve of an approaching jock. The blood that came out was dark and blue and absolutely horrifying looking. 

"Ew." Brooke said, clearly disgusted. "Hey, uh, Jerry-" 

"My name's Jeremy." He mumbled, but Brooke was continuing her sentence like a freight train. Jeremy decided to focus on keeping a wide circle around them, sweeping his staff in front of him. 

"The whole thing is that we're magic, right?" 

"Yeah, well, that's what Michael said-" 

"Okay, cool, so your hair isn't normally that long." 

Jeremy's staff faltered, but he didn't dare touch his hair. Well, it made sense. It didn't, but sure, he was in a skirt. He had long hair. He didn't know how to feel about this. 

He didn't have time to think on that further once Brooke whirled around, sweeping her fans. A gust of wind pushed the group of people back, sending them tumbling comically over each other. Unfortunately, it was straight towards the girls in the wings. Jenna tackled Christine out of the way as the people came through, a good number continuing to fall down the stairs. 

"Are you okay?" Jeremy asked quickly, rushing over to help them up. Brooke was at his side in a moment. He doubted it was because he had a good idea, and more because she cared about Jenna. And Christine, probably. Who didn't?

Jenna nodded. "Yeah, I'm good."

Christine groaned dramatically, but let Jeremy pull her to his feet. "A little battered, but-" 

Noises from behind him made Jeremy turn around, only to see Jake, Rich and Michael there. "What did you do?" Rich blurted out. 

"What do you mean, what did I do? They're all fine! Probably!" Brooke retorted, before her eyes fixed on something over Rich's shoulder. "What the-" 

Jeremy leaned around Jake to see the commotion. All the crowd had simultaneously decided to get up and leave, in a huge clump. They were talking excitedly, as if they'd just seen a great show. 

If it hadn't been for the fact that Jeremy was discovering how skirts worked, he would have thought he dreamed that entire experience. There was no way he could have fought a group of possessed middle aged mothers and their husbands, while wearing a skirt. 

"They seem to be disabled, for now." A voice said from behind Jeremy's shoulder, making him squeak embarrassingly and grab at the first person next to him. He found himself grasping at Jake's forearm, and he went even more red, stepping away. 

Reyes stood behind them, a Hot Pocket in hand, like he'd decided to have a snack while they fought an intense threat. "They'll be alright. Even those that were harmed physically. They do not seem to be aware of their actions. Their brains have activity, but their movements and words seem to be controlled." 

"So… I just tazed the equivalent of a coma patient with a stick." Jenna said, staring at the now empty auditorium. "I don't know how to feel about this." 

"You did it in self defense." Reyes said, before sighing. "Come to my office. We've all deserved a Hot Pocket." 

The entire tiny drama club ended up squeezed into Reyes' office, awkwardly crunching on Hot Pockets. Jeremy stood awkwardly in the corner, arms folded, trying to cover up the strip of skin at his midriff. 

"So." Jake said, mouth full. For a moment, Jeremy reconsidered his entire life calling and sexuality. "Care to explain why I'm in a dress?" 

"And why you have so many damn Hot Pockets." Michael muttered from the floor on Jeremy's left. He seemed to have no qualms about sitting down in a skirt. 

Reyes had pieces of pepperoni stuck in his beard. "Well, with improved skill, you can alter your costume. It's not set, as long as you keep your colour." He conveniently neglected the hot pocket question. 

"Thanks, incredibly vague." Rich pointed out. "What the hell just happened?" 

"We've started the zombie apocalypse." Christine said, her voice low and creepily dramatic, before she snickered. 

"This isn't the zombie apocalypse." Jeremy blurted out. He wanted to fade into the corner even more than before when everyone's eyes turned to him. "Um. If it was, they, uh. Wouldn't have… walked away? We'd be dead. And… and the whole clothes change doesn't really scream apocalypse." 

"Heere's right." Jake spoke up. Jeremy wasn't too sure how he felt about that. On one hand, Jake was acknowledging that he was right, and he was agreeing with him. On the other, well. Jake wasn't exactly known for being incredibly smart. "There's clearly something else going on, not just zombies or whatever." He looked down at his hands, which were still fiddling with the sword. 

"Of course it isn't just zombies." Reyes said, sounding tired and a bit disgruntled. Jeremy would be, too, if a group of kids came into his room and raided his stash of snacks and sat on all the abandoned props from past shows. "You kids are part of a team, a chosen group of teenagers that can take on the evils that plague our world." 

Silence for a moment, two. This was incredibly ridiculous to even consider. 

"In New Jersey?" Jenna finally said. "This sort of stuff happens in, like, New York City. Or Japan. Or… not on the middle of nowhere, New Jersey." 

"We're close to New York, kind of. Maybe they missed." Rich commented. 

Brooke rolled her eyes. "By a couple hundred miles." 

But Jeremy was trying to process this all. What Michael had said, everything that had happened on the stage, the way he felt more… strong, less fatigued than he should have been, given that this was more exercise than he'd done in years. "Magic." 

"Yes. Magic, blah, blah, blah. You're guardians of the gate to another dimension where evil seeps through from time to time, it's passed down from your parents, you put your lives in danger for the greater good." Reyes took a bite of his pizza hot pocket. "Any questions?" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi uhh sorry for the accidental week long hiatus lmao life has been kicking my ass. started a job, have school, and also I'm ~mentally ill~ so that. kind of meant I forgot to post. but!! feel free to drop some comments, they always make me feel better. 
> 
> I'll try to post every Monday but I can't make any guarantees, I'm still trying to write the next chapter lol. 
> 
> stay safe, and stay wonderful, loves!!

**Author's Note:**

> hi sooo uh i’ve been mia for a hot minute. it’s mental illness innit. anyways happy 2021, it’s probably not gonna be great. i started writing this like two months ago and banged out like 5 chapters and realized i never posted them here so!! have fun with this. 
> 
> i’ve got a loose plan for this story and i’m so down for requests of other pairings to do (except pinkberry, shits toxic as hell) so drop those if u want. 
> 
> also i know this probably won’t get much traction bc it’s not boyf riends but if you read this whole thing i love u and think ur great. 
> 
> comments much appreciated!! 
> 
> stay safe, and stay wonderful, loves!


End file.
